Face in the Mirror

How is it that we can look at the same face in the mirror for years, and some days think we’re so beautiful and other days so ugly? We’re looking at essentially the same face, however what we think and how we feel about our face can be vastly different from day to day. We also often make a connection consciously or not between our worthiness and how we feel about our face. (As I wrote that last sentence, I thought to myself, that’s so ridiculous, tying our worth to how we think we look. Nevertheless, I know I’m not alone in that connection.)

If our face is presumably pretty much the same, then wouldn’t it hold true that our opinion of our face should also be pretty much the same? This goes so much deeper than feeling extra beautiful because we’re glowing post yoga or run, or we’ve had our makeup professionally done or we’re in front of exceptionally good lighting. More than anything else, it’s our frame of mind that directly impacts what we see.  

From my own personal journey and my work as a health and mindset coach, I’m confident how we feel about our face has almost nothing to do with what it actually looks like. For our opinion of ourselves to change so drastically, something much more profound is at play. When we’re in a good mood, it doesn’t matter what we physically look like, when we see our reflection, we feel good about it. Conversely, when we’re having a bad day, we see ourselves through that negative veil and our perception veers towards ugly, not good enough or even flawed.  

Try this with me, take a deep breath and close your eyes, I invite you to picture the best version of you possible. Really focus on that version of yourself inside and out, that’s your real, true self. Allow your focus to be so strong that you crowd out the parts of you who don’t believe it. So strong that you confidently move forward into the best version of you. So strong that you replace fear with excitement for the real you. And so strong that you release any excuses that are holding you back from your best possible self. Continue to imagine that best version and when you look at your reflection give yourself permission to see that positive version. If you’re struggling with this, imagine how the people who love you the most see you. Borrow their lens and see yourself through their eyes, they see you as your best and true self regardless of how you look on the outside.

That common phrase, I’ll believe it when I see it, is actually incorrect. We see what we believe to be true and we can’t see it until we believe it. As our mindsets become more positive, our view of ourselves also becomes more positive and we’re more able to see our beauty. There’s an element of self-sabotage for those of us who choose to see ugly when we look at our faces. That belief, whether unconscious or not, keeps us stuck and playing small. It may be safe because it’s what we know, however it robs us of our best life and robs the world of all the goodness we have to offer.   

I invite you to empower yourself and experiment with these new actions to cultivate a positive mindset and healthy mind. Join me and start to feel confident (and beautiful) in your own skin today!

1.     Refocus Your Eyes. See kind eyes gazing back at you when you look in the mirror. Instead of mentally tearing your face apart, practice focusing on your eyes. Look deeply into them and find the warmth and humanity in yourself. Use that focused gaze as a catalyst to treat yourself gently and cultivate feelings of love and acceptance. Experiment with sticky notes on your mirrors reminding you to look into your eyes and use a selfie of just your eyes as the background on your phone, then notice if with practice you’re able to crowd out the judgments and embrace the loving acceptance.

2.     Refuel Your Mind. Eat more healthy fats in order to support your brain health and mindset. Here are some of my favorite healthy fats: avocados; fatty fish like salmon; nuts, especially almonds, walnuts and macadamias; chia seeds; coconuts and coconut oil; and extra virgin olive oil. Test incorporating healthy fats into all of your meals and notice how you feel.

With every glance and gaze at your reflection work on supporting your authentic self and make the conscious choice to see the goodness and beauty that make the true you. Let’s support both our internal and external selves and create balance between the two by choosing to refocus our eyes on the best version of ourselves, while also refueling our mind with healthy fats. We are each worthy of seeing beauty when we look in the mirror and that beauty starts within.


First appeared in Rochester Woman Online, 2018 Mens Edition.